Excuse by Numbers, A Writers Instant Guide

Excuse by Number

A Writers Instant Guide


  1. My computer is dead.
  2. My tablet Bluetooth battery is dead.
  3. My pacemaker is malfunctioning.
  4. I have no internet connection here.
  5. I am too tired.
  6. I am too bored.
  7. I am hungry.
  8. I am thirsty.
  9. I want my mommy.
  10. It is too loud.
  11. It is too quiet.
  12. My hands hurt.
  13. My brain hurts.
  14. My plot stinks.
  15. My characters stink.
  16. I have too many versions of chapter(s)___.(Pick a number between 1 and 30)
  17. All my characters shot each other and the last one committed suicide.
  18. I changed my characters names three times and can’t remember the new names.
  19. My main character went crazy trying to follow my directions and refuses to take her medication to get back to work.
  20. I forgot to take my anti-crazy medication.
  21. I ran out of coffee.
  22. I ran out of Xanax.
  23. I ran out of anti-depressants.
  24. I ran out of anti-psychotic medication.
  25. I ran out of cocaine.
  26. I snorted too much cocaine.
  27. I am tired of sitting.
  28. I am tired of thinking.
  29. I hate my characters.
  30. Scrivener is too hard.
  31. I hate Scrivener.
  32. I think I have a fever.
  33. I have a headache.
  34. I am having chest pains (see also #3).
  35. I am having an anxiety attack (see also #22).
  36. It is too nice outside.
  37. The weather is changing.
  38. The weather is the same.
  39. It is too cold.
  40. It is too hot.
  41. I am out of chocolate.
  42. I am lonely.
  43. It is too crowded in my head with all these characters talking and making scenes (see also #’s 20, 24 and possibly 26).
  44. The cat is sleeping on my keyboard.
  45. The cat is standing on my keyboard.
  46. The smoke alarm is going off.
  47. I haven’t changed the smoke alarm batteries in two years.
  48. That ?+#$@% ground hog saw his shadow again.
  49. I have to go to my other job to get money to buy printer ink.
  50. I have to go to my other job to get money to buy paper.
  51. My computer has an anti-writing virus.
  52. One of my characters stole my identity and fraudulently filed my income tax.
  53. The birds are singing too loud.
  54. The neighbor’s dogs are barking.
  55. Someone is mowing a lawn.
  56. Someone is using a weed-wacker.
  57. Someone is sawing.
  58. Someone is hammering.
  59. The dog is looking at me with sad eyes.
  60. I don’t feel like writing.
  61. My kids are driving me crazy (see also #’s 22, 23, 24 and possibly 25).
  62. Reading is just as good as writing.
  63. Cooking is just as good as writing.
  64. Walking the dog is just as good as writing (see #55).
  65. I need to water the plants.
  66. I ran out of wine.
  67. I ran out of beer.
  68. I ran out of whiskey.
  69. I ran out of tequila.
  70. I ran out of vodka.
  71. There is just too much news going on in the world (see 22, 23, 24 and 25).
  72. I missed the last episode of _______. Fill in the blank a) Castle b) Downton Abbey c) The Big Bang Theory d) Scandal e)Dancing With The Stars g) The Last Ship h) Cash Cab
  73. The car needs washing.
  74. The car needs waxing.
  75. There is laundry.
  76. I need a nap.
  77. The sun is up.
  78. The sun is down.
  79. I have no friends.
  80. I have too many friends.
  81. I need to clean the toilets.
  82. I need to clean out the refrigerator.
  83. I need to clean the oven.
  84. The pipes in the __is/are leaking. Fill in the blank 1. Bathroom 2. Kitchen. 3. Laundry Room 4. Wall 5. Water Closet 6. Ceiling 7. Floor 8. Vanity 9. Sink 10. Basement 11. Cellar 12. Potting Shed 13. Mud Room 14. Autopsy Suite 15. Morgue 16. Gas station bathroom 17. Water Tower 18. Haunted House 19. Sewage Treatment Plant
  85. I am sad.
  86. I am melancholy (see 22).
  87. I am depressed (see 22 and possibly 23).
  88. I am clinically depressed (see 23).
  89. I have (circle the appropriate answer) a. PMS b. PTSD c. STD d. Menopause e. male pattern baldness f. an SUV g. All of the above.
  90. My characters are on strike.
  91. The dog ate chapter (s)__.(fill in the blank, the choices are as follows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
  92. I am sick of writing.
  93. I am sick of making *&%!# up.
  94. I am sick.
  95. I am sick of being sick.
  96. I am sick of being tired.
  97. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
  98. I have a/an_____ appointment. (Fill in the blank with one of the following choices 1. Dentist 2.Doctor 3. Veterinarian 4. Orthodontist 5. Podiatrist 6. Prostate 7. Sleep Study 8. ENT 9. Psychiatrist 10. Mammogram 11. Colonoscopy 12. Counseling 13. Acupuncturist 14. Palm Reading 15. Anger Management Group 16. Cardiologist 17. Massage 18.CT Scan 19. MRI 20. Drug Test
  99. My Gluteus Maximus is asleep.
  100. I just wrote 99 excuses and that is STILL writing.
  101. I just don’t wanna!

A Day in the Life of…


A Day in the Life of…

February. Yes, folks, it is February again. The first day of which the groundhog will assuredly see his shadow, whether he does or not is irrelevant because winter is never going to end.

I am living a Groundhog Day much like Bill Murray in the film of the same name. I get up every day and do the same things hoping for a different result. Who was it that said that is the definition of insanity? This is also irrelevant. My point is simple. It is hard to change habits in the middle of a freeze.

Have you ever been caught in a loop without the oomph to throw yourself out of it? Been there, done that and refuse to buy the t-shirt. Just this afternoon, I realized the last week of January passed without me producing something to post in this blog. No biggie right? Wrong. I have been in a mid-winter slump feeling so sorry for myself and so bored with it I ignored my own reminders to get writing. Sigh.

Each fall it seems harder and harder to enjoy the colors and milder days because I am dreading winter so much. Through the holidays it is okay but that long slow slide past the New Year and rounding the corner into February, I struggle to stay motivated, sociable, and positive. Eeyore on downers is better company that I am.

What I need from you is …oh heck, I don’t know what I need. What do you think? Do you have the same struggles with winter? What do you do to stay positive when the clouds are hanging low, the landscape is more colorful on the moon and the thermometer is wearing long johns?